6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
