turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
