This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
