I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
