When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra