You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
