Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
