At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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