it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You took a bar mat shot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
