i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
