its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
