She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
