FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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