White coat. Heels.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
