tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My feet surprised me
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