Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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