Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
