you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This baby is an asshole
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
