Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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