My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
