we made out on top of his cat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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