whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
