I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
