So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
