I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
