and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
