I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize