One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
