I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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