About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think your dad took our porno
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
