Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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