I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
