Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
