I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize