Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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