I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
