Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
