At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
