It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
