that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sobbing to NWA
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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