I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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