Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
