I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I will pee on everything he values.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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