If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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