i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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