Have you finally orgasmed yet?
barbara walters just said penis...
We named our party play list daddy issues
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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