I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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