I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
