Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
