Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
