Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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