Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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