Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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