Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
