At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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