I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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