I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
