what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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