You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
