So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
