I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
