He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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