it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
