Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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