The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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