i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
