THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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