well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
