upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
