guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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