apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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