So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
