saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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